Violence in relationships

Today's Sunday Times had a very thought-provoking article on violence in relationships, referring to a recent case where a man decided that his unfaithful wife needed to be taught a lesson and decided to tattoo (?!?!?) her breasts, arms and abdomen with the help of his friend. The guy got 3 years and 12 strokes of the cane for this deed...and I'm wondering, is this enough???? There were also other cases where a man had beaten up his live-in lover so badly that she was blinded in one eye, and a spurned lover decided to hatch a conspiracy with some boys to do something evil to his ex-lover just because she dumped him.

Apart for the observation that in all the cases cited, the male partner was the miscreant, I'm wondering what sort of society are we living in where certain individuals think it's okay to become violent just because he/she's angry, upset, hurt, whatever? If your spouse is cheating on you, DIVORCE HIM/HER!!!! Don't slash him, cut off parts of his anatomy, or tattoo "EVIL BASTARD" on his forehead, as much as you might want to. There are other, less violent ways of taking revenge, and most of these won't normally land you up in jail! Eg, you can send copies of the mushy love letters he sent you to his new lover....or put super glue in his car lock....change his passwords.... or put his handphone number on the walls of the public toilets with the message "Call Kim for a good time" >:->

Of course, the ultimate revenge is always to find a new lover and be happy.

But seriously, why do people resort to violence when they don't get their way? And why do they want to cause such harm to people that they claim to love/still love? Is hate the other side of love? People say so, but I would like to think that the other side of love is charity. Yah, I mean the old English meaning of the word. Of doing good to others, even when they're not doing the same thing back to you.

Maybe I'm a cock-eyed optimist, but I believe that we're better and nobler than we think we are. And that we're capable of doing good things, without any expectations of reward. But that usually happens when we don't think so much about the consequences. Just do it, like our dear friends at Nike says. If you want to stand up in the bus to give an old man a seat, stand up! Don't feel self-conscious about it. If you see tourists looking at a map and looking about them in that typical "lost" look, go and ask them if they need help. After all, we are all tourists at some time or another, and I remember how nice it felt when locals helped me out when I was lost. One chap in a European city actually walked with us to our destination when he realized his English wasn't good enough to direct us.

If more of us behaved like better people, the world would be a better place. What do you think?

Between Tick and Tock

Today is Holy Saturday, the day between Good Friday and Easter Sunday, between death and life, despair and hope. And strangely (or maybe not), this morning during breakfast, I happened to watch the episode "Whatever Happened to Mr Garibaldi" in my favourite SF series of all time - Babylon 5.

Now, some of you would probably go "Huh?" Others would have heard me raving (like a madwoman) about this wonderful series....well, I'm not a mad fan, but I do have all 5 seasons AND the movies on dvd....which cost a WHOLE LOT MORE than I'm willing to disclose.... I'm currently watching the series for the 3rd time on DVD (fourth time overall since I watched it when it first aired over a decade ago).

Anyway, in this episode, the main protagonist, a guy called Captain Sheridan, is being challenged by a mysterious being, Lorien, who tells him that he's actually dead, but just refusing to accept it and clinging on to life. Lorien tells him that he's between the moments, between Tick and Tock. Tick, he's alive, Tock, he's dead. And I was struck by the singularity of it, that today in history, Jesus was also between Tick and Tock, between death and life. Lorien asks Sheridan that he's able to give many reasons why he can't die yet, how he's needed still in the battle "out there"...but is he able to think of a reason to live? Finally, Sheridan realises that he does have a reason to live, a woman that he loves.... And Jesus was raised from the dead because of God's love for the whole world.

Now, the writer of B5 is an avowed atheist...so I don't think he was consciously echoing the Easter message in this episode. But he has read the Bible, so it's possible that some of that was in his subconscious when he wrote this episode.

I've being thinking on and off all day about this, and I realise that the message that I'm getting from my third viewing of B5 is that we are given only an finite amount of "moments" in our life, and that we have to make the most of each moment, because once it's gone, it'll never return. In an earlier episode, "The Coming of Shadows", a character says

"So much has been lost, so much forgotten. So much pain, so much blood. And for what, I wonder? The past tempts us, the present confuses us, and the future frightens us. And our lives slip away, moment by moment, lost in that vast terrible inbetween. But there is still time to seize that one last fragile moment. To choose something better, to make a difference, as you say."

Many of us spend much of our time regreting, mourning or wishing for the past, when we should actually be looking to the future and seeing what we can to make a difference, to those around us, to the world, to be part of history. Don't just stand on the sidelines watching, be part of it. Make history.

A mother's love?

I have a wonderful mother whose unselfish love and dedication to her three, at times rather ungrateful (;-P), kids inspire me daily. Out of respect for her privacy, I won't give the details, but suffice to say she brought us up after the sudden death of my father over 21 years ago, when the 3 of us were still in our teens and schooling, and worked at 4 jobs to ensure that we had sufficient money to complete our university studies! She's truly amazing, and I know that I can never ever repay her even a fraction of the love and commitment she has given us through all these years.

Unfortunately, I realise that there are mothers out there who are not as good as my own. There are mothers who aid their husbands/partners in sexually abusing their own daughters (eg the case of the man who raped 6 of his daughters with the knowledge and assistance of his wives, the children's mothers), or mothers who continue visiting their husbands in jail even after knowing about the sexual abuse of their children at his hands.

The most tragic example is that of Nonoi, who was a little 2 year old girl who was raped and then murdered by her stepfather...and yet his wife (Nonoi's mother) is visiting him in prison with their son! I know that I do not have the right to judge others, but I find it incomprehensible how any woman could continue to love and support her husband after discovering that he has sexually abused her child??!!??! OK, maybe she believes in forgiveness, but surely she must have grieved for the loss of her daughter? Where is her sense of justice and morality? What is she going to tell her son when he's older (since it's very likely that the sex fiend will be found guilty of murder and sentenced to death)? The truth? or a lie? And if the son is told the truth, what would he feel, being the son of an evil child sexual abuser and murderer? I know I would die of shame if that was my father! And change my name as soon as possible!

I don't believe that all mothers are good, and in fact, I think many are not, but at least they try to be good mothers! But women who continue supporting their husbands despite them commiting the most evil and heinious crimes, deserve to have their children taken away from them! I'm serious! What sort of morality would these women be able to teach their children, since they clearly do not have any moral compass?

I know, I know, I'm not married so how can I understand the thoughts and feelings of women in such positions? But I do have a sense of morality, ethics and justice, and I have two brothers who are married (but no kids, as yet!). I also have my beloved god-daughters and god-son. If any of these kids were ever to be sexually/physically abused by their parents, I would drag the perpetrator down to the police station myself! And made sure that they were prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law! And give the wife a tight slap to wake her up if she dared to support her husband!!!!

Evil exists in this world. I don't just mean that people commit evil deeds, but evil also is present when people remain silent or look away when faced with injustice and evil. We need to hold the line between good and bad, between light and darkness. For if that line falls, then we all will fall with it.